Day One: Spider!

The first of my 192 things is something that I hope doesn't remain in my house long enough to become permanent.

Yes, it is The Creepy Spider I Found Above My Bed This Morning!

Now please understand that the reason it is hard to see in the photo isn't because its small and the 3G iPhone boasts a paltry 2 megapixel camera. It is because this bastard is fucking HUGE and frankly dear readers, I was quaking with fear being this close to it. After I regained my composure I got another photo of it:

And if that doesn't give you an idea of the size of this thing, here is a photo I took of it giving 80's hardman Dolph Lundgren a hug.

Later, after it had decided to evict me and call my room it's own, my dad attempted to remove it knowing that it wouldn't pay him as much dig money as I do. Putting a glass under it he fought the beast for several hours before he bested it. Unfortunately putting a circular glass into a corner doesn't work and the hellspawn casually fell under my bed. I can hear it there now, plotting away it's revenge as we speak. So basically I'm sleeping on the couch tonight for fear of this happening to me;

Because as we all know, spiders love to rape faces.

Especially this one;

P.S. The story that we all eating spiders when we sleep is bullshit. Spiders love cold dry places, and our hot, wet mouth provides no sanctuary. This tale was actually started in the late 90's by a Californian university lecturer who bet her colleagues that she "could put anything on the internet, and people would believe it."

Spider's are creepy, and so to cheer everyone up here's a picture of my good friend Foley hugging NBA legend Shaquille O'Neal.

And so in conclusion I give this spider a solid 9/10 for it's ability to be a spider.

Good night everyone!